just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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