Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
