So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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