Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i drank out of a bidet.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
