barbara walters just said penis...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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