Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
