just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Someone came in the potted fern
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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