but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
