Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
