my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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