you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
