I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
