It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
