just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
