Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
