hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
