I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
