i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
