i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
