we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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