trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
