can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
