So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
