what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
