so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
