Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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