Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
