I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
