Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
