Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
