ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
