At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
