I'm really into asian looking animals
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
