Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
