i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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