He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
