yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
