Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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