Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
