Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
