Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
