I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
