i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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