The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
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