I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
