If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
