My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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