Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
