I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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