Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He told me they were just razor bumps!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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