so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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