all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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