so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
